


Memories of Shadow

by Paige_SJ_Black



Series: Shadows of Winter [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-17
Updated: 2015-11-04
Packaged: 2018-04-21 06:56:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4819502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paige_SJ_Black/pseuds/Paige_SJ_Black
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The memories of Morgan Knight (O.C) before she became HYDRA's other deadly assassin and weapon. Shadow.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Morgan Knight POV

Well I'm sure you reader already know who I am. I am Morgan Knight, childhood friend of Steve Rogers a.k.a Captain America, but I always called him the little guy from Brooklyn who was dumb not to run away from a fight, I will explain later. I'm the estrange wife of James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes, separated by war, the younger twin of Valentine Knight, most people tell we are siblings by are appearance. And finally I am the only daughter of Isabelle and Luke Knight. I am the girl with the hip length straight black hair, the trade mark midnight blue eyes and the pale porcelain skin, but I am anything but fragile, as most people have found out over the decades. 

For those of you who are wondering I was born in Brooklyn, New York on August 13th 1919, 12 minutes after Valentine. As to be expected from out family line we both had pure black hair and midnight blue eyes, where as I had my mother skin tone Valentine ha d our fathers. As you may have guest from reading my life story (Not Posted Yet) as twins we are close, we know when the other has been hurt or when each other are happy, almost like we are connected. Our bond is stronger than that of normal siblings, but it has been tested over the years especially by HYDRA, and considering everything they did it is amazing I'm here right now telling you this. 

I met Steve Rogers and James Barnes on my first day at school, Valentine was the popular twin and could make friends easy I was alone so I sat on my own in the corner, when a small skinny blond boy came up to me, shortly followed by a slightly taller one with brunette hair. Short of cause for both boys. They introduced themselves as I did in return, something must of clicked at that point because we became pretty much inseparable, always there when the other needed it, getting in to trouble together and out of it. Are fates were intertwined we just didn't know it back then. It was almost like it was meant to be. Anyways, we played together that day and everyday we were there teaming together to take on challenges and supporting each other as we grew. 

Where as Bucky got more muscular as he got older, Steve didn't he stayed skinny and grew ill on more occasions, something that worried us very much, in our teenage years, Bucky and myself spent are free time helping Steve to catch up with school work and looking after him when he was ill, since his mother had to work. He had always told us that by being there for him when he needed it while being ill was helping him to get better quicker, me with a wet cloth, singing to him and Bucky making super or a stew. Those were the times I miss, when we were normal, before America was dragged into the war after the attack of Pearl Harbour and before HYDRA caused everything to happen, before the everlasting hell. 

I started to get attention during my teen years, the normal boys wolf whistling when I went past, turning there heads to watch me go by and some trying to flirt, the ones that did try and flirt didn't get very far with Valentine scaring them off or my disinterest in them. It was actually weird I wasn't a popular girl back then, in McKinley High, I was one of the outcasts I didn't have a place in the social circles, I hated fashion with a vengeance, didn't like light colours as they drew too much attention, as for make up that was only eye things, you know eye-liner, mascara and eye shadow. I was an outcast I think it is called to day either that or a Goth, something like that. 

Bucky too had become interested in me, not that I actually noticed, romance wasn't my thing, Steve would often laugh at me when people were trying to flirt and I didn't have a first clue on what they were doing. Bucky would often try and do it casually which now I look back on it, it was surprising he never gave up and went after one of the other girls, I was that oblivious, it got the point where Bucky was practically screaming at me, before Valentine felt sorry for him and told me what Bucky was doing, in which case I went incredibly red, since that was the last thing I was expecting from one of my best friends. It was after that I started to respond which appeared to bring a huge smile to Bucky's face, that he had finally got my attention. It appeared that any questions he may have had would have faded since there didn't appear to be question in his eyes at the sudden attention I had given him when it came to him flirting, I figured he had guessed that Valentine had clued me in to the whole romance thing, since as you can tell I was pretty hopeless then and likely to be even worse now. 

I think it was around a week later the pair of us started dating, which didn't go down well with some of the other girls since Bucky was considered a catch back then, not to sure about now though, it can be quite debatable. After school every day I would go to work at the café around the corner from where the three of us lived, as we all lived on the same block, working as a waitress then, odd but it was actually an undercover job to catch someone SRR was interested. I had started working for them when I was fifteen, since my dad had taut me self defence and other handy things that had actually come in handy over the years. Anyway back to what I was saying, Steve and Bucky would often come in to the café for the strawberry and banana milkshake, and a chocolate chip cookie each. To make themselves even more annoying they would sit in quarter so I would have to serve them. 

I swear Bucky liked me more in that waitress outfit. The sly smile that appeared one his lips always gave it away. I believe in 1939, was mine and Bucky's wedding day, September 17th to be exact, he had proposed to me in the middle of a crowd of people including Steve and Valentine. My parents had sadly pasted away, my father was at Pearl Harbour when it was attacked and my mother had died of illness now known as cancer a year before my father died. Back then the cancer was incurable but now I believe there is something to cure it, or at least fight back against it. Anyway back to the wedding, it was actually a small wedding just Steve and Valentine as the witnesses and the priest of cause who married us. Valentine gave me away, tears in his eyes, where as Steve was the best man, Bucky was wearing his best tux, in my opinion he looked, very handsome, I think there is a picture of him and Steve together somewhere. I was wearing a white floor length dress with a black underlay to it. My hair was done up like Bucky's was slicked back. Both Steve and Valentine were in casual wear since it was a spur of the moment thing. 

You can imagine what happened that night, as it was our first night as Mr and Mrs Barnes. In 1942 I was given my latest mission with SSR and my last, Bucky was given his orders as part of the 107th, much to my displeasure but I couldn't bring myself to stop him from doing something he wanted to do. Steve had also tried multiple times but had failed because of his health issues and Valentine he had been drafted to the front lines of war due to his amazing talents in the medical sector. The last night we spent together before going are separate ways was spent at the World Exposition of Tomorrow. I had met Bucky and Steve there that night, with a friend of mine once we were all there, Valentine got Steve, Bucky and myself together in front of one of the inventions, smiling. He had said it was one last picture before being parted as way of remembering the three people close to him. I believe that picture still exists today. 

The last memory I have to tell you before the ones of this century and era, as well as those during my time as Shadow, is probably one that neither Bucky, Steve or Valentine would want to here, as it brings back a memory they would rather forget, since it is one of pain and sadness to them, and I know Steve still blames himself or though there was nothing he could have done to prevent what was to take place after. 

It was November 19th 1944, we small group had been reunited after Steve had rescued the soldiers of 107th that had been captured by HYDRA. Bucky had been sent to Valentine and his medical team along with the rest of the men that were captured. At the time I was doing my assignment by protect Howard Stark, the top scientist at the time. Being on the front line of war wasn't exactly the safest as you could imagine. Anyways as I was going across the field with Bucky, Steve, Valentine and the rest of the newly formed Howling Commandos. I remember someone shouting, turning around to run where we were told. Then there was a bang and a flash of flames along with dirt and parts of trees flying everywhere. After that it fuzzy but my file states, I was pronounced Missing In Action after an enemy bomb went off three feet in front of me, the blast of the explosion forced me off the near by cliff. Incording to the HYDRA file, some of their agents found me, missing most of my right arm and drifting in and out of consciousness. 

Unlucky for me, they recognised who I was from a picture that they found in the procession of Bucky when they had captured him. My luck only got worse when they found a use for me. From then on, all I would feel is everlasting pain, sadness, as well as feeling empty like something was missing, like there was a subconsciousness tell me the person I was, wasn't the real me. I wasn't the killer they had turned me into all those years ago.


	2. Chapter 2

Morgan Knight POV

As promised I am going to tell you about my years as the merciless killer, Shadow. HYDRA's personal weapon and assassin. I don't really remember that much, only that I was called upon when needed, either when the others failed or when the Winter Soldier wasn't available. I guess I was the back up if anything went wrong. I only remember bits of what I did as Shadow, and the Pain of all the things they had done. You can imagine, and hopefully get a better understanding of the term “Monsters can be victims too”. I know it will be hard to understand but hopefully you will try. 

Now I don't remember much after I fell from the cliff. I only remember waking up in an unfamiliar place, you can imagine how scared I was, a white washed room similar to a hospital, everything reminded me of being in one of the hospital rooms when you have been injured in war and been sent home. It was then that I realised my right arm was no longer the identical to my left one, it was shiny, cold and had no feeling what so ever in it. It wasn't my arm yet it was connected to me. A man came in not long after, he told me to calm down before I hurt myself worse that I had already. He was wearing black clothes and a white lab coat signalling that he was more a scientist than a doctor, plus he had the HYDRA symbol on the left side of his jacket. 

He actually told me how I ended up in their procession, saying that two men found me at the bottom of the cliff in the snow, I was drifting in and out of consciousness and was missing three quarters on my right arm, as you could imagine my reaction to that wasn't the best, you know finding out that the enemy had actually saved you life, a lot of things were running through my head, like what they wanted. Now I look back on it I should have questioned them on their motive for helping me, but it was in too much shock to even wonder what was happening or what they wanted from me. 

It was a couple of days later when I was so angry with them for constantly injecting me with some sort of serum, it caused so much pain when it went through my body, it was like I was on fire, everything hurt. I attacked one of the trainers who put me through brutal training, my assassin training basically, when he went over something fell out of his pocket, a picture, the one Bucky said was missing from his processions when he return from the HYDRA base. It was the last picture of the three of us together before we finally left to go our separate ways because of the war. It was then when I began to put things together and realised their intentions. 

They were going to use me against the people I knew, against Bucky (who was already with HYDRA), Steve, The American Troops and my fellow SRR colleagues. I'm guessing they knew I wasn't going to do that willingly because that night I was taken to a room where a machine was, I struggled like hell when they started to strap me to a table, especially after I heard one of them say “Preparing for a full memory wipe” I remember they inject me with something. I don't really remember much after that other than someone shouting my name in a worried tone, the voice sound familiar but I couldn't place it, actually I have only recently remembered that the voice belonged to Bucky. 

As for the missions I was sent on there isn't really much to tell, on most occasions I was sent as back up for The Winter Soldier, many a times were high profile missions together, never once recognising each other. The routine was always the same when it come to me, I was taken off ice, given the details of the mission, prepared for the mission i.e. weaponry and changing into my gear, mask and glasses included. Once I return from my mission I was patched back up, my memory was wiped and then I was put back on ice again until I was once again needed. 

I was never sent after anyone under the age of twenty-one for some reason and I was only sent after those in the army or some fighting force even politicians, basically anyone who posed a threat to HYDRA that was under the age of twenty-one I was sent after. Now I looked back on it I'm glad they didn't send me after anyone who was younger than that age, I have seen what it has done to Bucky who remembers he was sent after entire families, with children as young as eight. Like him I suffer from the nightmares of the past but not as bad. 

You may be asking about the memory thing when the wiped it and why the did it after every mission. And answer to your question is to keep us emotionless towards our targets, to make sure that we couldn't be negotiated with, and to make sure we never had second thoughts. With all the power I had I never once argued back with them when it come to wiping my memory, it is less painful and over quicker when you don't fight, where as it takes longer to complete and make you feel like your pain will never end when you fight back. It feels like my entire head was on fire. Like my mind was going to explode, like the world was going to end when you fight back against the memory wiping machine, I did it once and never done it again after that. 

I do have a confession, about my brother Valentine. Although I make it sound like he is still her with me, sadly he is not. In 1954 shortly after S.H.I.E.L.D was formed by Howard Stark, Peggy Carter and Chester Phillips, my brother was targeted and assassinated by HYDRA, he was killed by an unknown assailant who was captured by S.H.I.E.L.D who intended to question him, the unknown assailant committed suicide by cyanide, in a capsule concealed with in his mouth. Since Valentine was War veteran, he was given a proper funeral, the flag included which was given to his widowed wife Katherine Salvatore. 

I will tell you more in the next chapter, like how Tony managed to know who I was or how he recognised me when he got the S.H.I.E.L.D files, I will also tell you what happened to the sweet Katherine, as well as my few memories of this century, it is both upsetting in away, and adventurous. Emotional since there is likely to be a lot of different emotions in there including love. 

I apologise for not telling you of Valentine's death and Katherine sooner, but I am still trying to come to terms with the whole thing, I promise I will be more honest with you now that I know I can trust you. Hopefully if you ever come across me, you will not see me as the emotionless weapon turned me into but as the person I was before and the one I am trying as best I can to get back to, I know I will never be that woman again but I can try to get as close as possible for the sake of Steve and Bucky.


	3. Chapter 3

Morgan Knight POV

If you wished to know why I never told you about my twin brother being dead, it is because of what happened when I found out, and also because to this day it still pains me. I never got to say goodbye to him and records show he didn't believe I was killed in 1944, through everything he like Peggy and Howard believed I was still out there somewhere, they had based this theory on the fact they never found my body. Records also showed he was looking into the HYDRA weapons more particularly the two assassin they were said to have processed back then. A female called Shadow and a male called The Winter Soldier, it is unclear if Valentine ever found out who we really were or if he was killed before, but it is clear that Katherine did find out, S.H.I.E.L.D tried to hide her but it was no use. 

In 1973 HYDRA finally found Katherine, she had remarried but had been pregnant by Valentine at the time of his death, so in memory of his father she named her son after him calling him Valentine JR, the man she married raised Valentine as his own but when the time was right they both told him of his true heritage and who is father and that side of the family were. Anyway back to 1973, Valentine JR would have been 19 then, lucky he was not home that particular Friday, when HYDRA found it as the perfect time to strike, they had been aware of Valentine JR but always thought he was the son of Katharine’s then husband. After Valentine JR had left that day they sent us there. Secretly she had been continuing her late husbands work of finding out who Shadow and Winter really were, she had discovered the truth and was going to be meeting up with Peggy and Howard that afternoon to inform them, sadly she never made it to the interview. 

I believe it was just after 10am on that particular day when Valentine JR left, fifteen minutes later we arrived at the door, I think Katharine’s husband was called Ryan, he tried to close the door when he seen us, it was clear he too knew who we were, he tried his best but was in vain. He had shouted that we were there and when Katherine seen it was just the two of us, she told him to let us in, she must have known what was going to happen but she accepted it, she really was one of the bravest people I knew, her acceptance of what was going to happen, the way she had acted, she didn't treat us like the killers we were but like the people we had once been. I can still remember the words she spoke to us. 

“Ryan, let them in. It's good to see you again Morgan my sister and you too Bucky. I have been expecting you. I know you don't remember me or who you once were, but that doesn't change the fact that you are still my family and I love you both of you. I know there is no point in trying to reason with you, whatever they have done has turned you into the emotionless killers that stand before me. I thank you for doing this after my son left and letting him live. Just so the both of you know, I forgive you for what you are going to do, I will always forgive you, I hope one day you both will find who you really are and remember everyone who love you and I know you will find who you are again, I have faith in you, in both are you” 

As you can imagine, we carried out our orders, mine was to kill Katherine and destroy any evidence of what she had found, I feel guilt for what happened, that I didn't have any control over my actions like I know Bucky is the same, she willingly sacrificed herself, but thanked us for allowing Valentine JR to live. That was one of my darkest memories and one that I haven't told many people, I have only ever told Steve of that, it is one of the things I regret and because of that I have never found Valentine JR who I know is still alive and has a family, I do not wish to ruin his life how I have destroyed so many others, he was told that his aunt was a hero, that she died in war and to an extent that was right, the person I was then died when I fell off the cliff, a new person woke up in the HYDRA base, now 70 odd years later I am not Shadow but I am not Morgan Barnes either, I am somewhere in between. 

Oddly he like both of his parents believe we are still alive, Tony has been keeping a watchful eye on him, he often looks up my name along with Bucky's and Steve's and has posted many things on to the internet including blogs and YouTube video's about believing we are still out there. Natasha and Clint even went to a park where he was with his family and recorded him telling them stories about us, yet he never mentioned almost like he didn't know that two of us were responsible for the death of his mother and his only father figure. It's either that or he doesn't know that we were responsible. Maybe one day I will go and see him, allow myself to reconnect with what family outside Steve and Bucky I have left, even if I feel I don't deserve it. 

In case you were wondering, when the Avengers found out what had happened to Valentine, they didn't want to tell me because they were wary of how I would react which no I look back on it I can understand their point, they were trying to protect me, it was just how they went about, instead of telling me and getting it over with, they lied to me for months saying that S.H.I.E.L.D had hidden him away. It was only when Thor gave me a file saying this agent had the same last name as mine, did I finally learn what had become of my brother, at first as you could imagine I didn't want to believe that my brother was dead, then I felt sadness and betrayal, as well as anger. I took my anger out on the things around, in the end Thor had to hold on to me to stop me and attempt to calm me down, my anger soon turned to tears as it finally sank in, but I guess what I said worried them the most and made them think over their tactics. 

“If this is what it feel like being normal again, then I don't want it, I would rather be the emotionless killer they made me” was what I had said to them when I found out they had lied to me. I didn't know who to trust, I felt so betrayed lost and broken that I literately didn't know where to turn. I left the tower after that, not telling anyone where I was going, I didn't want to stay there for obvious reasons. How I was thinking at that point was if they lied to me then they weren't trying to help me but use me like HYDRA had, I was actually struggling to find the difference between the two. 

I actually went to find where my brother was buried but it was the first time in the outside world where I wasn't Shadow so seeing the billboards, traffic light and technology of this era you can imagine I was confused about my surroundings, everything I knew had change, I was out of my own time, I just remember running as I knew they could find me quickly since my right arm was metal and it was guaranteed that someone I ran past would remember another with a metal right arm, appearing to be lost and confused. Some kind man helped when I said I mentioned Valentine Knight, I didn't know it back then but he was actually a family member, Valentine grandson and I'm guessing her recognised me, a smile was placed on his features when he was helping me. Yet he never said anything like he didn't want to scare me away, after all I still appeared how I did 70 years prior. He must have has some sort of incline that I wasn't quiet the person he was told about but someone who was going back to normal. I also didn't know it at the time but Howard had made sure that each generation knew about me, Bucky and Steve and to get in contact with SHIELD or the avengers should they see one of us confused. That's exactly what Owen my grand-nephew did, he contact Tony who took the Quin-jet and got me, but to my surprise he didn't take me back to the tower, instead he took me to cemetery where Valentine was put to rest. Next to our parents with Katherine and her second husband next to him. 

Tony had explained everything to me, how he knew who I was and why he didn't want to put me in the isolation cells when I first arrived, he also explained that his father Howard had told him stories of a raven haired woman that protected him through the war, who made him a promise and kept to it, and although Howard was killed he got everything including the research he had been doing and all the possible theories he had, one of them had been spot on that probably the reason why he was targeted and assassinated by HYDRA. He spent a good couple of hours explaining everything to me and his intentions on not telling me the truth. I was rather surprised to learn that Howard didn't think of me as a protector or a friend not even a colleague but as a sister. That actually did explain quiet a bit now I look back on it.


End file.
